This episode begins with Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha attending their friend Brooke’s wedding. Wondering why their friend is finally settling down, the bride whispers into Carrie’s ear, “It’s always better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them.” Carrie puts this comment into her column, and begins to question whether or not it pays to “settle” with someone who you do not have the same feelings for. Big then tells Carrie that he never wants to get married again. Carrie is shocked, and tells her friends the news. Charlotte asks, “What if you spend five years with him and have nothing to show for it?” According to Charlotte, the entire point of dating is to land a husband, or else it can simply be considered a waste of time. The idea that women need to settle down can be considered anti-feminist, as the pressure to start a family may surpass them achieving their career or life goals.
In a more progressive plot, Miranda discovers a vibrator called “the rabbit.” At first Charlotte does not approve of this with her conservative, traditional values; she states “I’m saving sex for a man I love.” Charlotte later succumbs to her friends influence and purchases a vibrator for herself. She finds it extremely liberating to have sexual gratification on her own, and begins to wonder how she will ever enjoy sex with a man again. Her friends eventually stage a “rabbit” intervention, in which they imply that she needs to go out and actually interact with men. The fact that the women believe men are still needed in order to achieve true happiness counteracts the more feminist plot line regarding female sexual liberation.
In another plot, Carrie’s gay friend Stanford has problems dating just like the women do. He tells Carrie he thinks he just marry a woman and collect all his inheritance from his grandmother. Carrie and Stanford then suggest marrying each other eventually, causing Carrie to ponder, “Can you have it all?” This question deals with the idea of being married to a man you are not in love with. When Carrie meets Stanford’s grandmother she tells Carrie, “Stanford tells me you’re a writer…I was a career woman many years ago…but I gave it all up to have children.” This causes Carrie to ask herself if she is okay with Big not ever wanting to marry again, and whether or not a traditional family is what she truly wants. Carrie tells Big that she does want to get married someday, stating, “I can’t date somebody who wont. What’s the point?” Big says it’s all about timing, and takes on the stereotypical male role of having a very casual approach to marriage and children. Despite being a successful career woman, Carrie clearly feels pressure to conform to traditional, female expectations of being a wife and mother. To the Sex and the City women, ending up single is the equivalent to “losing” the game of love.
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